|
The Willpower Salesman
I met
this odd bloke down the pub once
And soon
we cooked up conversation
The usual
ingredients - football, women
Beer
prices, state of the nation
I'd only
popped in for a cheeky
I had
somewhere else I should go
But when
he offered to buy me a beer
I found
that I couldn't say no
I wish I
had willpower I told him
So I
wouldn't be so eager to stay
He winked
at me conspiratorially
And said
"it's your lucky day"
"I
do a right nice line in willpower
The
finest there is in the land
It
usually retails at 7 plus VAT
But I'll
sell it you for 5 grand"
I must admit I was tempted
But
politely refused and said sorry
Between
you and me I thought that it might
Have come
off the back of a lorry
"I know what you're thinking," he
told me
"But
it's 100 per cent pucker I swear
Conforms
to all European standards
With
guaranteed 2 year repair
"It's all listed here in my brochure
Upgrade
your rational calm
Trade in
your second-hand weakness
And free
up the twist on your arm
"I also deal determination
It's
really not hard to arrange
At a push
I could get some designer resolve
But the
willpower's top of the range"
And
although I didn't have the money
And for
nearly an hour I fought it
I found I
couldn't say no to the bloke
And by
the time he had gone I had bought it
So now I
am armed with my willpower
My
actions aren't nearly so rash
Is it
because of my willpower
Or cos it
cost all of my cash?
Ian
Allsop
|